Well, I've been home for just over a week. After 3 planes, 4 airports, and 1 train, I arrived back in Minneapolis 20 hours after leaving my flat in Prague. As my mom drove home through the midnight dark and I saw once again the familiar sights of my hometown, I knew I had made the right decision. I was so glad to be home.
I still am happy I'm here, a week later. I miss Prague immensely, and find myself daydreaming about moving back, but for now, I need to be home. Since returning to Minneapolis, I've spent time with my family- my sister especially, my grandma, and my best friend. I've been welcomed back into the fold of the church I grew up in, even resumed my old nursery job. I've grown reacquainted to a house without my babycat. I breathed a sigh of relief when I saw my substantial bookshelf filled with my books- a luxury I've missed most sincerely since I left. I've wandered along the Mississippi river, a very different river than the Vltava, and I must admit, much more beloved. I've raked leaves, done some gardening, rearranged furniture, and climbed ladders to wash the second floor windows before replacing the screens with storms. I've read voraciously for hours without interruption. I've done laundry with the benefit of a dryer, and eaten a week's worth of food without needing to go to the grocery store once. In short, I've been at home, enjoying the freedom of having few, if any obligations, and the knowledge that I am where I'm needed most right now.
The irony is that, now that I've come home to where my roots go deep, I'm more adrift than I was halfway around the world. In Prague I felt like I had to do things. I had to go to work, because I needed the money. I needed to go to the grocery store, because I needed to eat and there was no other option. I got used to being independent, and I liked it a lot. As much as I love my bed and my bookshelves, they can't make up for the loss of living my own life.
It probably won't surprise you to learn, therefore, that I'm getting restless. Maybe restless isn't the right word, not yet. Rather, I'm beginning to notice the symptoms of restlessness, and the shadow of an itch that won't go away until I do. I've literally spent hours online looking at TEFL job listings, and yes, apartments just in case I decide to move back to Prague. The entire world is open to me, but that's also terribly intimidating. Just think about it. If you could go anywhere in the world, where would you go? It's one of those questions that are impossible to answer, like 'what's your favorite book?' or 'what do you want to do with your life?' When you're spoiled for choice, it doesn't make the decision easier, it makes it harder.
The idea of going back to Prague is both very appealing and frustrating at the same time. I'd be back in a beautiful city that I'm familiar with, and at least the language would be foreign in a recognizable way. I'd have a community of people to surround myself with, and probably, a job to go back to. But there's so much more world out there to explore, and Prague, as enticing as it is, didn't satisfy me before, so maybe my daydreams are more based on a longing for familiarity within my adventures. Maybe I'll end up in Thailand or China. I've thought about Russia. Sonja is voting for Brazil.
So that's my life. I'm doing nothing, and enjoying it, for the most
part. I don't have any more of a plan than I did before leaving Prague.
I'm anticipating that I'll be here through Christmas and then hopefully
have something lined up so I can leave around New Year's, but that's
complete speculation at this point. For now, I'm going to enjoy the opportunities I have right now both in being home, and in imagining where I could be two months from now. It's definitely good to be home.
