Nerves

     I finally got a confirmation email from the TEFL school saying they received my final payment. That means I can buy a plane ticket over there. I've been resisting buying one, mainly because I'm a chronic procrastinator, but maybe there was another reason. I started looking at plane fares basically as soon as I thought Prague might be a possibility, but I always knew I wasn't actually going to buy one. Until today. When I logged onto the fare-finding website, my stomach was in knots. This could actually happen now. There's nothing holding me back. I have enough money in my account, the school has a place for me; this is something I've committed to. But up til now, I could always back out. I could push back to a different month in Prague, I could change my mind and not go at all (although that would be distinctly more difficult for me to swallow). The plane ticket though, at least to my mind, makes it a done deal. There's no going back from there. This is the first time I've really experienced nervousness about this move. I've certainly known that I'm nervous about moving to a different country without a definite plan, but the excitement always overpowered it, or I was able to dismiss it, because this is my new, spontaneous self who's doing this, and that girl doesn't worry about things like jobs or future plans. The idea of actually buying a ticket scared all that out of me. I'm not doubting my decision. I'm still going to do this. I might just have to wait another day to spend that last chunk of money tethering me to the States.