The Final Countdown

      I leave for Prague in less than a week. I'm having such a hard time imagining that those words are actually true. But I've been ticking things off my to-do list, and despite my expert procrastination skills, I'm actually pretty on top of things. All my documents are official, and my shopping list has shrunk considerably since the beginning of the week. I've even had time to attempt to speak a little Czech. It's really hard, in case you were wondering. I'm betting actually hearing it will help more than trying to figure out the English pronunciation guides, otherwise I'm screwed.
     I'm so excited and grateful that I get to have this opportunity to pursue my very vague yet somehow persistent dream of living abroad. I have also been realizing however, how much I'm going to be leaving behind by making this move, especially in the last couple days as things have really started to solidify into an actual adventure. Living at home this past year was definitely not the easiest, and there were times that I wanted nothing more than to get away from my parents and sisters, but now that I'm on the verge of doing just that, I'm having a hard time working through the fact that I might not see them for a whole year, maybe even more. My youngest sister spent this past week at summer camp, and life without her is much less cheerful, if also less dramatic. My parents have been great, picking things up for me, following me around and keeping me sane when bureaucracy came between me and efficiently completing the tasks that I finally forced myself to do.
     I've had bouts of melancholy, frustration, and nerves that have only grown stronger as my departure date gets closer and closer, but I've also discovered that the best remedy is to spend time with people who know me, and recognize that despite my low moments, I'm unbelievably pumped to go to Prague and try something completely new. Going shopping with a dear friend, trying on ridiculous clothing, gorging ourselves on frozen yogurt, and doing our nails with cheap drugstore nail polish while watching Sound of Music did the trick. So did having ice cream with old ballerina buddies. Doing so makes me remember the reasons I'm doing this in the first place, the reasons that have gotten buried under the real life preparations necessary so I won't have to hop right back on a plane in September.
     "It's better to be scared than to be bored", my former ballet teacher told me yesterday. Those words, those obvious words, sum up so much of my new outlook on decision making. This past year, tutoring struggling readers in an inner city public school, was mind-bogglingly rewarding. I loved my kids, I loved the school I was at, I loved the people I was working with, but outside of school, I was bored. I would come home and have nowhere to go. Well, I'm done with that. I'm done being bored, I'm done with planning out every last detail of my life, of following some path that a much younger self laid out for me. That same ballet teacher, who saw me three times a week for five years, told me that she's never seen me as happy as I was the other day, talking about Prague and the prospect of living abroad. I'm choosing to be scared, instead of being bored. I'm choosing adventure over routine, Prague over Minneapolis. 5 more days. I'm ready.